It’s a common misperception that I am an outgoing person who likes the attention of others. I once had a partner say something like, “well you know what I mean cuz you’re an extrovert like me” and I’m sure I guffawed loudly and incredulously before demanding they explain. I am not an extrovert. I have… *counts on fingers* five friends I text with or see most every day. Since I got a dog, I don’t really go out much to social events or the like, and I despise small gatherings of 4-6 people.
“And I like large parties. They’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
And I’m FINE with it. I have my comic books and my Netflix and my music library and my dog and my pocket computer that keeps me mainlined to my five friends regardless of time of day and all of that is totally normal to me. So it surprised me when I decided to relaunch my Merrick Has Issues project as a podcast. Part of me still can’t figure it out. But I’ve talked about it publicly to keep myself from backing out. I set up some new social media, did a photoshoot so I have promotional images to use… I bought a microphone. A podcast is definitely happening.
My imposter syndrome and I are over here wondering… who the fuck is going to care? There’s a bajillion podcasts out there and I feel like every person knows at least a half dozen people who have started (and probably stopped) a podcast of their own. So who the hell is going to care about me and mine, apart from those five aforementioned friends? Fuck if I know, but that ain’t stopping me. I’m going to ride this one out.
Basically I miss creating content that isn’t written, or that incorporates a variety of media. It scratches my “be competent at everything” itch. The original Merrick Has Issues was all video, all Instagram (usually cross-posted to other networks), and all visual. Which seems natural because, comics are visual! But I was too staunchly fixated on the format I had launched with, regardless of changes to the Instagram platform. I was stubborn about evolving what I was creating to maybe match the sort of content people were most interested in… and yes, some people back then did ask me if I was going to launch a podcast. Which to me was ridiculous because it felt like a step backwards from producing videos! Oh, what a silly billy I was.
I have no idea what I’m doing and I have to just keep moving forward. I’m kinda scared, to be honest; I’m putting myself and my creativity out there in a new-to-me way and people are inevitably going to judge. Buuut I’m hoping people will also enjoy it? I’ve got a couple weeks till launching… a little later than I’d hoped but I had a shoulder injury really fuck me up and incapacitate me for a couple weeks. So yeah, we’ll see how this goes. Wish me luck?