Seriously guys, this post is full of xenomorph porn. You have been warned.
Why is it full of xenomorph porn? Well, one, because I like saying “xenomorph porn”, lots of similar letters in there pronounced in different ways, and that’s a good time if you enjoy linguistics. Secondly, because I had never really questioned the existence of xenomorph porn, yet once I found it I just couldn’t stop clicking.
So if I had no idea it existed, why/how did I find it? Because I did a simple, completely innocent Google image search for “xenomorph”, saw some boobies, and… well… it was all downhill from there…
It all started with a xenomorph giving it to Seven of Nine doggy style. Whether this indicates that this particular xenomorph’s DNA composition is evolved from that of a dog is unknown. Also, what would happen if a xenomorph spawned from Seven of Nine? Would it contain any of her Borg-like behaviours or emotions? Would it have a killer rack? Could be the cruelest xenomorph ever!
I then continued to find more CGI xenomorph (/facehugger) porn:
I’m honestly not sure this is “porn”, per se, but I still like it. It reminds me of really messy period sex. And you have to admit: that’s a pretty realistic puddle of blood on the floor.
Yes, I really am that twisted of an individual.
This image full of women in varying stages of pregnancy is pretty choice. If you think about it, it’s quite a logical method of incubation. I imagine many healthy squishy widdle xenomorph bursting forth from these unfortunate, well-lit womens’ fertile wombs. Also for your consideration on the topic of impregnating women with xenomorph spawn:
I think this next image is a photo composite; will you think less of me if I mention that I find the xenomorph’s giant distended tongue-mouth-thing really disgusting looking? (Also: ow?)
Here’s a couple xenomorph pinups for both the men and the ladies!
And now: cartoon xenomorph porns!
There were also a few of the expected Alien vs. Predator (or alien vs. some other alien species) creative imagery:
If you are wondering wtf that is pinned up on the wall of this horny xenomorph’s lair, wonder no more: apparently there is a market for sexualized images of the aliens from the Halo game series. Yeah. I don’t know.
Oh, Internet! You magical mystical land of porn, you. I mean, that’s a pretty impressive collection of pornographic images from a very direct search for “xenomoroph”. See, this is the kind of fun we can have when we turn off “Safe Search”! But in case your sensitive meat brains are all traumatized from the imagery you’ve just seen, I’ll end this post with the xenomorph equivalent of a unicorn chaser. Though honestly, it might be one of the most disturbing images from this post.